The goal for so many of us is to live the best life we possibly can, because let’s face it, we only have ONE! Why not try to live your life the way you want to, while giving it everything you’ve got to do so. If you’re anything like me, you want answers about the world. You desire the knowledge to lead a life that is filled with meaningful work, achievements, wins, and boss babe respect. You want to be able to provide for yourself and your family – emotionally and financially. And let’s not forget leaving your legacy, because you know you have one to offer. But you’re also thinking, how the hell am I supposed to do that, girl? I’ve got bills to pay, water to drink, friends to hang out with, a career to chase, and I obviously need to fall in love! But this is the thing my friend, you will not be able to fill yourself or others in a full and capable way if you don’t fill yourself first.
We have big dreams- dreams of career success, dreams of building a family, we even dream of our dreams! We become so consumed by what the future may and hopefully will look like, that we take time for forget about the present. Like many, I myself have wondered for years how to live my life to the fullest, and after years of searching within, it became innately clear exactly what that looks like for me. This took me years to understand, because I didn’t have the guidance I needed to do so. I had to search high and low for answers, and curate a road map to get there. Going through challenges in life certainly builds character, but you don’t have to endure the challenging trials of finding answers to those issues that I did to start living your best possible life right now. It has to start with one thing, and one thing only. You need to find out the basic fundamentals of what a meaningful life means to you.
What is meaningful to you in your life? What an easy sentence to say, with possibly the most complex answer you may ever have!
Follow these steps and I guarantee you will begin your path to finding it.
Take time to experiment with jobs until you find your passion! Searching for what your passions may be can take years. But ultimately, once you understand the cues that make you happy, building a life around those things are what is going to fill your soul, make you proud of a hard days work, and will prevent you from dreading your 9-5. I want you to really think about this. Like, really think about this. Is your daily life filled with tasks and work that is meaningful, worthwhile, and fulfilling to you? Let’s look at an example of someone who doesn’t like there job. I’ll even walk you through it. I’m going to use Suzy as an example. Suzy worked a job she thought she wanted, but as days passed by Suzy realized she wasn’t enjoying what the work entailed. She didn’t feel like she was living up to her expectations she had for herself. For Suzy, waking up to go to work every day was absolutely daunting. She was no longer her bubbly self after she clocked in, and it began to affect her personal relationships, but most importantly, her relationship with herself. What good does it do for you to work a job you absolutely hate? It makes your authentic self and soul unhappy, likely resulting in negative energy that will translate to those around you. Much like Suzy and her personal relationships. The law of attraction states that whatever you focus on, think about, read about and talk about intensely, you’re going to attract more of into your life. Now changing these things about your life may be hard, but what’s harder is continuing to spend the bulk of your time in a way that makes it significantly worse. Focus on the things that make you passionate to wake up and be excited to go to work, that is where true fulfillment lies.
Find the silver lining in your struggles. Now obviously you’re not going to enjoy every single solitary thing you do, like I obviously don’t enjoy changing my son’s diaper after he’s gone poop. But I do love having a son and seeing him grow as a person. Something so incredible that I learned after becoming a mother is that there is a lesson to be learned in every struggle or obstacle motherhood puts in front of you. I dealt with horrific postpartum depression, but what going through that wildly hard and dark time of my life taught me is that I am so resilient, strong, and brave enough to conquer whatever I put my mind to. Because I know what I am capable of! I wouldn’t have seen or known any of this if it weren’t for my ability to pull myself back into the light that is a life so worthy of living. We’ll get more into my postpartum depression story at another time, but as bad as that situation was, I learned so many important lessons from it that I have in my arsenal for when I (and you) need them. If you understand that each hardship always has a lesson in it, then you will not see those hardships with resentment. Find what lesson is trying to be taught to you by your trying season, and it ends up not being an obstacle, but a birth of a new strength.
Focus on building a life around the things that make you happy. It’s the choices we make that mold the lives we actively live, so making choices surrounding your own happiness is important. It’s not selfish, it’s reality. Next time you are happy, take note of what made you happy, because being self aware of the things that bring you happiness and building a life around those things is a major key to living life with intention.
Invest time in the solid friends you have instead of investing in a large quantity of friends. Now this may be controversial, but let me explain why. Growing up in Los Angeles I made many friends, but what took me years to hone in on was weeding out the friends that weren’t invested in me. Not in a way like, “Make it all about me!” That’s not a friendship, that’s a unilateral relationship. I’m talking about the people who lift you up, the people who bring as much to the table as you do for them in terms of enjoyment or happiness. The people that not only will listen to you, instead of listening to respond, but the people who will steer you back to shore if and when you need it. Because friend, I promise you that while having a lot of friends is nice, having loyal, ride or die, like family, genuine friendships are even nicer. I learned the hard way, but you don’t have to. You don’t need to burn bridges, (like old Tori thought in the past, oy) but you don’t have to exert your time and energy into people that don’t serve you and vice versa. No one wins there!
Take no shit, but do no harm. This is a big one guys! I often see people who are non-confrontational take a back seat to opportunities because they weren’t keen on speaking up. To be clear, I’m a go getter. If an opportunity presents itself then I’ll be the first to raise my hand to take it. You don’t have to be an asshole and push someone to the side to be seen, but don’t hesitate to take action before someone else. There is a way to go after the things you want in a successful way without stepping on others toes.
Believe that you are worthy of good things! Because you do. Living your dream life happens when you take action and pour intentional energy into those actions. If you didn’t learn how to ride a bike, you wouldn’t ride a bike. If you learn the tools how to maximize your best qualities, lead a better life, and implement those tools, then you quite simply will live the better life you dream of.
Apply these steps slowly if you wish. Start small with something like paying attention to sensory cues. If you notice you like the smell of a certain soap, then buy that soap. Use it everyday, because the smell and texture of that soap makes you happy. And yes, this is something I do myself. I love Meyers dish soap, and even though it’s on the pricier side as far as soaps go, I buy it anyways. Why? Because if I have to do the dishes, then you know damn well I’m going to stand my ass over the sink with delicious lemon verbena steaming my face. And you know what? It makes me loathe doing dishes so much less than I used to. Heck, I even don’t mind it.
There you have it babes. Implement these strategies and let me know how they play into your life.